Theories of Why Donald Trump is Running for President

18 Aug

A little brain blawgh on potential reasons why this sun dried tomato with shredded Parmesan cheese for hair is entertaining us all with his valuable time and resources. Reasons go from most plausible to least plausible.

1) He’s doing it to increase his speaking fees and become more relevant, again. Loads of previous presidential candidates have benefited from the exposure they received during their campaign.

Recent media coverage goes hand in hand with higher relevance. People with high relevance command higher speaking fees. Even if he doesn’t win, he’ll get paid shit tons more wherever he is asked to appear after this election season is over.

2) He’s doing it to get young people interested enough to participate in the election process. Participate? You know, to actually go out and exercise their right to vote. Humor get’s everyone’s attention right? Perhaps he’s doing it to engage the younger generations and get them to give a shit about who’s going to the be country’s next scapegoat or venerated leader. Whichever.

Sadly, I can reel off way too many peers who have no interest in political news. They say that nothing interests them or sprout some other bullshit reason so they’ll pass on the polls. As a minority that belongs to the 50% that once wasn’t allowed to vote or own property, this laziness infuriates me, but that’s another rant for another time. But really, unless you have a personal vendetta against every single one of the candidates, fish out your grubby, dusty  pen and pick one candidate that doesn’t completely rub you the wrong way..

3) He’s in league with the Democrats and is helping them secure the 2016 presidency.

wait, WHAT?! Let me say it again, Trump’s rampant verbal diarrhea could be serving to guarantee a win for the Democrats.

Think about it this way: If Donald Trump (the most popular candidate atm) gets the republican nomination, there’s no contest. The vast majority of people are going to go, “hahaha. GG GOP. fuck, no” and vote democrat or third party. And because no one can even name the third party candidates, the Democrats will have the election in the bag.

Even if he doesn’t get the nomination, the Democratic nominee will still have an easier time securing votes. The Republican name will leave a bad taste in some people’s mouths because of the association with Trump. One bad apple can spoil the whole barrel.

4) He’s actually running for president.


Posted by on August 18, 2015 in Current Events, Short Humor


Tags: , , , , ,

3 responses to “Theories of Why Donald Trump is Running for President

  1. kevinsunchen

    August 16, 2017 at 8:53 PM

    who wouldve thought things would turn out like this huh


  2. peteybee

    August 18, 2015 at 10:21 PM

    sundried tomato & parm… brilliant!

    5. he’s doing it to shake down the Republican party for some $$ in exchange for dropping out of the race

    6. he’s angling for a cabinet post… Housing and Urban Development ???


    • XYZ

      August 18, 2015 at 10:52 PM

      LOL! i like your 6th reason.
      As full of rich people as the Republican party is, what could they offer a billionaire?



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